Okay, I have to do this. I just have to. This isn’t a blog where I review movies, but in this case, I have to say something. Though, admittedly, this is going to be less of a review and more of a rant. (Warning: spoilers ahead)
Why is this movie referenced so much?! I watched this ridiculously long movie last night and just found it tedious and annoying, yet I see people continually reference the work with a degree of respect. …Why?! And, no, it’s not an era thing that makes me dislike it; I have watched Planet of the Apes and Soylent Green* all the way through, so I already knew going in to a ’60s film was going to be a bit slow.
However, this movie made no sense! The first half hour (I kid you not) is wasted on a tribe of apes just being a tribe. Then we go to space and there’s all this boring stuff with characters, whose names I don’t remember, talking about an epidemic space illness. And is it ever resolved or addressed again? No!!! Then, after that, there’s the lead up to a space mission to investigate some sort of structure that was buried four million years ago and the nature of said mission is kept secret from the astronauts piloting the ship because…..?
I said it once, I’ll say it again: This movie made no sense! And the parts that this movie is famous for (i.e. the parts that always get referenced) only happen in a thirty minute segment in the second half. And those thirty minutes were the only interesting point of the movie.
This was so boring! I guess the visuals and effects were pretty great, especially since they looked really convincing, but it felt more like they were showing off the majority of the time. Honestly, after H.A.L. got disconnected, I stopped paying attention, so I have no idea how it even ended – especially since there was no dialogue! You know, sometimes that works, but in this case, I wanted to scream at the screen for people to SAY SOMETHING!
To sum up, I didn’t like it. I found it a completely dull waste of time. Find me the Be Kind, Rewind version; it’ll probably be more entertaining.
*Just as an aside comment about Soylent Green, I don’t get the whole “It’s people!” thing. I mean, what’s the big deal? They’re recycling the corpses of an overpopulated world in order to feed those still living. It’s not like people are actually being harvested; sure, they’re being lied to about what’s in soylent green, but so what? If they’re hungry, what do they care?