I was going through some of my writing and came across a poem I wrote. This was from the time I was really struggling with the decision to leave school. All I have to say is that if any of you can relate to it Get Out NOW! Whatever the situation may be, it is not worth feeling this way. Take a break, go on sabbatical, walkabout, whatever, but don’t ever let yourself become trapped like this. There is nothing that is worth the sacrifice of a broken spirit.
Plastering on a smile while I am shattered inside
Pushing through the hard times, keeping the jokes alive
Even though I’m slowly sinking to the ground
“Fake it ‘til you make it”
Never seemed so cruel until I had to try.
Don’t tell me I’ll be fine
Don’t say I’ll be okay
Don’t tell me what I can do
Don’t tell me how I should be
Don’t pretend you understand when you don’t know my life.
I am tired, I am worn
What more do you want?
The world is screaming at me
“Keep going! Keep going!”
Shut up! Leave me alone! Let me BREATHE!
Ironic as it sounds, your encouragement just makes it worse.
It’s suffocating as it pushes me down.
I don’t care what people think, so I say, but this is so much different.
Why can’t you see my pain?
Why can’t you see how hard it is to keep this mask on straight?!
Can’t you tell?
I argue with myself every day – myself on the world’s side and I the one who’s screaming.
I want to be free and I am not okay.
And on that lovely note, Happy New Year!